My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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