ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
