he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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