Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
