sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
