What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
