Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
