I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize