I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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