Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
