There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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