i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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