I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
