The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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