when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
