idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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