from now on my penis is your penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
