Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
