she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
