just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
