I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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