She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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