Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
love makes seman taste better
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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