all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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