Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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