I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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