I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
