Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize