I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
