I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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