got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
