I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
