Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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