How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
