3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
