There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
