so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
