Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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