So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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