Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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