You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize