Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
