when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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