On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
