four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
