How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
