FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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