quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
