He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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