you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
