I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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