My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
