If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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