I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
