I'm going to jail i love you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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