i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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