youre lurking in front of me
Apparently you make a good broom.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
