He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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