To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
