She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
