i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
