i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
