Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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