I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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