I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
