Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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