is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
