Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
