Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
