if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
