the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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