the condom got lost in my hair
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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