Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
