hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
