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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday

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• (954): View more from Florida

  you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice

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• (718): View more from New York

  He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

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• (209): View more from California

  Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (951): View more from California

  Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?

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• (707): View more from California

  I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low

  (1-928): View more from Arizona

  Was it at least a good usher song?

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