apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it