I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?