Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(848): View more from New Jersey

life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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(848): life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward. http://tfl.nu/gey7

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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(412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed http://tfl.nu/d0u5

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(209): View more from California

You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

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(209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8

Replies (23) Good night (2228) Bad night (6921)
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(425): View more from Washington

Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.

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(425): Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy. http://tfl.nu/3fjx

Replies (19) Good night (3935) Bad night (1355)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now

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(615): took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now http://tfl.nu/5whe

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy

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(651): I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy http://tfl.nu/d161

Replies (18) Good night (2344) Bad night (967)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure

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(413): you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure http://tfl.nu/kagu

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(630): View more from Illinois

Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

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(630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later" http://tfl.nu/rgop

Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (827)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.

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(307): MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting. http://tfl.nu/3tf3

Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (1055)
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(925): View more from California

You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!

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(925): You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here! http://tfl.nu/pvgq

Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (463)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.

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(419): Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down. http://tfl.nu/vl8q

Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (364)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.

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(306): my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets. http://tfl.nu/lsez

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...

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(603): Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life... http://tfl.nu/r8ks

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(626): View more from California

i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over

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(626): i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over http://tfl.nu/mit8

Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (563)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.

(1-248): View more from Michigan

It's definitely revenge time.

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(248): I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes. (1-248): It's definitely revenge time. http://tfl.nu/qj5v

Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (369)

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