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no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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