Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him

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  (617): OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him http://tfl.nu/b4mt
  Replies (11) Good night (797) Bad night (895)
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  (209): View more from California

  He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7

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  (209): He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7 http://tfl.nu/6n0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3622) Bad night (771)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

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  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6714) Bad night (713)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

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  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (9196) Bad night (1371)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.

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  (513): I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand. http://tfl.nu/20vi
  Replies (9) Good night (790) Bad night (3283)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?

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  (270): Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off? http://tfl.nu/sbu9
  Replies (19) Good night (574) Bad night (3539)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.

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  (519): You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month. http://tfl.nu/3065
  Replies (9) Good night (2050) Bad night (619)
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  (679): View more from Michigan

  I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.

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  (679): I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant. http://tfl.nu/n9jh
  Replies (6) Good night (1194) Bad night (602)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.

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  (778): Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house. http://tfl.nu/6cay
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (998)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".

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  (857): You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar". http://tfl.nu/eikz
  Replies (2) Good night (1209) Bad night (590)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious

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  (360): Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious http://tfl.nu/bk41
  Replies (2) Good night (1073) Bad night (512)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

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  (508): Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher http://tfl.nu/j0wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1564) Bad night (374)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

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  (208): That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality. http://tfl.nu/t1cp
  Replies (9) Good night (974) Bad night (477)
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  (619): View more from California

  I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.

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  (619): I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays. http://tfl.nu/ooc2
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (182)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.

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  (479): I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/23la
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (334)

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