Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk