omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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