even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
