someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
