everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
