Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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