I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
