at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
