she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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