Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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