I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
