cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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