Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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